Artists: warhol

Designers: marc jacobs, nice collective, helmut lang, band of outsiders, cheap monday, CHICAGO SUICIDE CLUB

Authors: poe, wilde, fitzgerald. rand,

Books: the immortalist manifesto

Bands: slowdive, ride, siouxsie, depeche, cure, catherine wheel, deadsy, jay Z, the cult, the smiths, cocteau twins, NIN,

Actors: walkin, hopper, sandler, stiller, vince v. , will f, depp,

Things: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/asia-pacific/7187497.stm




as the elevator decends, i pop a time-released 15mg Adderall and a yellow vicodin. reaching the lobby i straighten my new RL tie and rush through the revolving door. outside, the temperature is a perfect 74 degrees and there's a light breeze--the first day of a beautiful collegiate fall - i hail a cab. he speaks english. it's glorious.

first thing after i arrive at the restaurant, i scope the bathroom-- big stalls, marble everwhere, plated gold faucets, high ceilings and a massive bouquet of exotic flowers that are real and fresh- a fitting place for a gentleman looking for a bump between courses- i tip the blind old man a $5 for a stick of juicy fruit which i will never eat--ends up in the washing machine 2 weeks later.

back at the table we are going to start with a dirty grey goose martini- it's been expertly mixed by a strong, hairy-armed bartender. this guy has been here since the great depression, when servers actually took pride in their work. -so just like in my dreams it's perfect ; thousands of tiny shards of ice delicately dancing on the surface -3 stuffed olives lean against the rim- just right.

warm seasoned bread and sea salted butter arrive and shortly after, a selection of dozen flawless clean raw oysters (among them, imperial eagle, otter cove, sisters point, hamma hamma, westcott bay, deep bay, kujimoto)--
after that, an iceburg wedge with blu cheese for me, and the warmed goat cheese and pear salad for her- i just now notice how incredible she looks.

for the main coarse, something gamey -roasted duck with apricot glaze or slow roasted bison short ribs- paired perfectly with a bottle of 2002 Mt Veeder cabernet-- a big upfront full bodied red served in massive crystal glasses. she gets some light delicate fish-

i know that in fifteen min i'll order whatever they recommend for dessert-- just make sure it comes with a glass of 20yr tawny port (taylor), their finest muscato by the glass and a double espresso-- i know that ill end up taking the stuff we didn't eat home in a bag which i will leave accidentally with the first valet dude of whatever nightclub we go to --but that's in 45 min.

at this point by head is in the clouds but i am starting to drift to a dark place. i'm completely depressed knowing that this experience is almost over, and the anticipation was the greatest part-- that all i have now is the memory-- i start thinking about mortality, doom, and how much i've aged.. and how fleeting and meaningless everything is and how the 'present' doesnt even exist. -how we are in a constant state of writing and rewriting inaccurate recollections of things that are irrelevent anyway-- how even IF by some miracle i achieve greatness, that all i'll get is a few books written about me, and then ulitmately all the kids who read those books will grow up and die anyway, so whats the point? i think about the illusion of immortality, how scared i am of dying, how much i hate kids, and how boring my friends are. how long have i been staring at the candle? 2 seconds or 30 minutes? then she leans in and the scent of vanilla lip gloss against my cheek wakes me up like smelling salts and in a bolt of lightning everything is back to being perfect again.

Authors I hate: oprah winfrey

Books I hate: blinking at screen

Bands I hate: Ying Yang Twins, jack johnson, alanis morrissette, 4 non blondes, soundgarden, audioslave, pearl jam, pm dawn, presidents of the united states of america, bloodhound gang, tom jones, kid rock, puddle of mudd, trixter, ugly kid joe, staind, creed, virtually every contemporary country artist.. ok that took 9 seconds to type.. more later

Actors I hate: dave coulier, robin williams, whoopie goldberg, mario van peebles

Clothes I hate: (on guys) striped dress shirts. (on girls) what are those patterned knee-length sweater/jacket things that button up the center with big wooden buttons and the belts sewn on?

Things I hate: cabs that smell like fried eggs when i'm hungover --otherwise educated people picking up steaming dogshit in plastic bags